JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
