based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
