first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
