I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
