Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
