mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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