And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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