So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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