Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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