everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
