Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
