the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
