There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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