sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
