Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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