its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
