She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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