Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
