Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
