He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
