So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
