areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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