shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
