turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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