I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
