3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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