I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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