the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
