Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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