if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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