Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
