You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
