I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
