this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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