It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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