You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
