I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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