WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize