so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
