i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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