Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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