oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
