he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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