You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
