the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
