what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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