I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize