Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
