dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
