she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
