Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
