yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
