got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
