dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
