I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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