$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize