quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
