So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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