I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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