I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
