HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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