I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
