Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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