I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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