I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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