well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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