I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
