I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize