You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
