Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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