I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
