I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
