as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
